I have been hip-deep in my own healing journey for some time now. It has largely been seven years of a dark night of the soul, with a few weeks respite in between each descent into the underworld.
Last week I really blew the lid off something. Like Really. Blew. It. Off.
I didn’t see it coming and I was shocked at the depth of my feeling and emotion. I touched the very core of a deep, raw wound.
The result? I was blown wide open. Wide. Open. My nervous system was deeply dysregulated. I kept spontaneously bursting into tears for the rest of the day. I released so much shame and sadness and yet it continued to bubble and pour from me that I thought it may never end.
I’ve listened to my intuition for long enough that I instinctively knew what my body needed; I grabbed a heavy blanket and my big squashy headphones (the ones that block out noise from the outside world). I needed quiet, calm music. I needed to speak to No One. (Thankfully my husband was around to watch the children, as I had no energy to speak, let alone play the latest game of Café/ Animal Hospital). I needed to create a cocoon to rest within. And rest I did.
I barely did any work for the next fortnight.
Why do I write this?
I write this to normalise what healing really looks like, in its raw, authentic, emotional, vulnerable state. We are continually bombarded with uplifting messages from shiny social media gurus who would have us believe that healing should look good enough for an Insta photo.
Healing isn’t wafting around in a cloud of burning herbs with crystals falling out of every pocket.
It isn’t spending hours in meditation to cultivate peace and stillness.
Healing isn’t about pretending everything is ‘love and light’ and that we can overcome our traumas by simply ‘raising our vibration’.
True healing is having the courage to pull on your biggest and sturdiest boots, tie the laces tight, and go on an inward expedition to the deepest, darkest and saddest parts of your soul. To be curious about what and how, and why and when?
True healing is about sitting with our pain and letting it move through us; allowing it to share its message and medicine with us. It’s about letting the tears come and allowing our body to heave through racking sobs.
True healing is when you feel into your grief, anger and sadness and let it touch the deepest parts of your being.
True healing is about honouring our own needs, resting and being gentle with ourselves. Treating ourselves with the tenderness you would a new-born infant.
Healing can be beautiful and poignant. It gifts me with a peace and understanding that penetrates every cell in my body. I see myself walking forwards, shedding heavy layers that have kept me weighted down. With each cycle of healing, I breathe a little deeper as I uncover yet another layer of my true, authentic self.
“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self” (Karen Salmansohn)
To your healing,
If this story has touched you, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.